Nugget In A Biscuit!
by MapleTreeway
Summary: And this is why you don't annoy Hermione with singing Tobuscus songs. Harry/Hermione
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Something completely random while watching Tobuscus on YouTube. Dialogue piece with Harry and Hermione.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not even the funny songs Tobuscus made up. *sigh***

* * *

"NUGGET, BISCUIT, NUGGET IN A BISCUIT!"

"Stop, Harry."

"N-N-NUGGET IN A BISCUIT!"

"_Harry."_

"DIP IT ALL IN MASHED POTATOES–"

"HARRY!"

"YES?"

"STOP!"

"WHY ARE YOU YELLING, HERMIONE?!"

"WHY ARE YOU?"

"BECAUSE NUGGET IN A BISCUIT!"

-face palm-

"…Hermy?"

"It's Hermione."

"Hermione?"

"Yes?"

"I'm hungry."

"Go and make something to eat then, darling."

"Like a nugget in a biscuit?"

"Ugh!"

"What?"

"Stop referring to that silly Muggle song a silly Muggle made, please!"

"Why? I find it hilarious and he isn't a silly Muggle. His name is Tobuscus_, _and he's been a good buscus this year. He even said so."

"Whatever, it's just _annoying_."

"To you maybe, but to me it's a –"

"DON'T start again!"

-sigh-

* * *

_3 hours later…_

* * *

"Hermione?"

"Yes Harry?"

"Do you like my sword-sword-sword, my diamond sword-sword?"

"_What?"_

"You cannot afford-ford my diamond sword-sword!"

"Pardon?"

"Even if you could-could… I HAVE A PATENT!"

"You don't have a patent for anything, Harry."

"I can swing my sword-sword. I CAN SWING MY SWORD-SWORD!"

"That's nice, Harry."

"Swinging is my business."

"I thought –"

"IT'S MADE UP OF FREAKING DIAMONDS!"

"Oh no… Not again!"

"Hermione?"

"WHAT? IT BETTER NOT BE ABOUT SWORDS!"

"Do you like my sword-sword-sword?"

"Ugh! _Silencio_!"

* * *

_4 hours later…_

* * *

"Thanks for taking the Silencing Charm off me, Hermione."

"Just. Don't. Sing. It. Again."

"I wouldn't dare."

"Good."

-chuckles-

"Why are you chuckling Harry?"

"And the chorus sounds like Coldplay…"

"NOOOO!"

"Fine then. I won't sing."

"Thank you."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"YOU DON'T KNOW YOUR BEUATIFUL! IF ONLY YOU SAW WHAT I CAN SEE –"

"_HARRY_!"

"I wasn't singing, Hermione."

"What do you call it then?"

"The equivalent of this: BABY! BABY! BABY! OOOOHHHHH!"

"_STOP_!"

"_But I wasn't singing, dear."_

"Then stop screeching!"

"Hermione?"

"_Yes?"_

"Are you on your period?"

"_STUPIFEY!"_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Because I couldn't resist. It's the same day too and I changed the name Tim to Hermione from "Safety Torch" so it can fit.**

**Disclaimer: Same as before.**

* * *

_Later that night…_

* * *

-yawn-

"Are you tired, Hermione?"

"Yes, Harry. I am."

"Do you want to go to bed?"

"Does it look like it?"

"…"

-sigh-

"Do you want some tea? Coffee? Butterbeer?"

"Harry, it's 11 at night! That would keep me up practically till morning!"

"Oh."

"Honestly, dear, I don't know if your mind works correctly sometimes."

"Well, you _did_ Stupefy me."

"Point being?"

"Nothing. I meant nothing. Other than I hit my head really hard falling down…"

"You were _unconscious."_

"Still…"

"Well I'm going to bed. Are you coming?"

"This paper can wait till morning."

"So?"

"Yes, I'm coming 'Mione."

* * *

_30 minutes later…_

* * *

"Goodnight Harry."

"Goodnight Hermione."

-yawn-

"Still tired?"

"Hmm?"

"Nothing."

"What did you say?"

"Nugget, biscuit –"

"_Harry."_

"I was teasing, dear. Go to sleep."

"Only if you will."

"Fine."

"…"

"…'Mione?"

-snore-

-chuckles-

-snore-

"She has no idea what is about to happen…"

* * *

_3 AM…_

* * *

-chuckles-

"…Mm…Harry?"

"Go back to sleep Hermione, I'm just going to use the loo."

"…M'kay..."

* * *

_5 minutes later…_

* * *

-snore-

-chuckles-

-snore-

"Look at little Hermione, sleeping so soundly…"

-snore-

"WAKE UP HERMIONE! WHAT IF THERE'S A MONSTER?!"

"AH! HARRY! WHERE?"

"Don't be scared, 'Mione or he'll eat you…"

"Wha…?"

"…Monster's smell fear, lucky for you, I GOT A SAFTEY TORCH!"

"Wha…you don't…wha?"

"PUT IT ON YOUR PORCH!"

"Harry…?"

"SCARE THE MONSTERS AWAY!"

"…"

"SAFTEY TORCH! THAT'LL BE 50 BUCKS!"

-blink-

-smile-

-blink-

"Hermione, things are looking grim-grim, but lucky for you I've come with a solution!"

-blink-

"SAFTEY WATER!"

-groan-

"PUT IT IN A BUCKET! SAFTEY –"

"_NOOOOOOO! HARRY IT'S THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!"_

"Let's just call it, like, 500 bucks."

"First of all, I don't have American Money –"

"Oh that's fine; I'll just bill your parents."

"…"

"Thanks for your time, go on back to sleep. Have a goodnight."

"…I'M GOING TO _KILL_ YOU!"

"I love you too, darling."

"_STUPEFY!"_


End file.
